Hmmmm…about those resolutions.

New Year’s Resolutions are as much a tradition of the passing of one year to another as champagne, Auld Lang Sine and Black-eyed Peas.

In retrospection, my resolutions have changed in theme from decade to decade.  It is as though the decades of my life have had different themes or concepts…thus reflected in my resolutions.

At the age of ten, which was my first resolution, I overheard my Mom and Mammy making resolutions while eating their peas.  I don’t remember their resolutions, but I remember wanting to be part of the process.  I resolved to be a better big sis to my younger brother and sister.  I am not sure I was any more successful at that resolution than any of the years to follow…but there is something of a cleansing in the simple act of resolving to do better.

As I grew older and more sophisticated, so did the style of my resolutions.  I progressed from just wanting to be a better sister and daughter to wanting to be smarter, richer and, of course, thinner.

 It has followed a pattern of sorts.  During my teens and twenties, I vowed to study harder, save money and be the kind of person my parents and Mammy would be proud of.  I was “capable” (how I grew to despise that word) of straight “A’s and the ability to be a perfect person.  Therefore, I vowed, year after year to come to the mark.  I did better some years than others…but never attained that level of perfection of which I was “capable”.

In my thirties, I was a wife and mother and the subject matter of my yearly decrees had subtle changes. I was now focused on being a perfect mother and wife (that perfection thing again). I would offer my two precious daughters all that a Mom could possibly bring to the table…wholesome, nutritious food, stimulating activities and endless quality time and attention from me.  My husband would have a sweet, productive and attentive wife that kept the perfect home while maintaining the perfect relationships with parents siblings and in-laws.

My fourth decade of life was to take a different tack.  I have always claimed that if you want an unparallelled growth experience, get a divorce.  Maybe it was the wisdom gained from forty years on earth, maybe divorce or maybe it was just growing up.  For whatever reason, the theme of my resolutions changed, yet once again.  In my 40’s I simply resolved to live with dignity, grace and awe-filled joy.  I would be happy…today…with things all just as they were…no improvement necessary.  I no longer strived for perfection. I simply enjoyed the imperfections of the perfect gift I had been given…the gift of life and the experiences of living it in this human form.  I realized I had earned nothing; controlled the outcome of nothing.  What liberation.

As I now am entering the last part of the 5th decade I have decided to return to my resolution habit.  I had abandoned the tradition for the last 5 years.  I am now viewing them as a chance to state my desires during the next year.  I am not trying to control, or even be attached to outcome, but merely state what it is I would like to see show up this year.  To speak it is to set a powerful force in motion.  It is to affirm that I am interested in fully living my life in the year to come.  It is merely saying, “Yes, I am in!”

Jacquie